...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
