so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
