listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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