it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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