I wish I could punch you in the face.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
