Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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