you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
