i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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