Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
