My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
