i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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