You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
