I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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