Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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