Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
