I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
