one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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