I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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