guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
