I'm really into asian looking animals
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
