4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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