not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
