She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
