8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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