I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
