Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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