God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
