yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
