Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
