Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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