This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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