I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I didn't notice because vodka
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
