did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
