I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
