my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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