i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
