ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize