she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
