I think I just saw someone hide a body.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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