I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
