I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My ass is underappreciated
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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