My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
