Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
