I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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