My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
