whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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