I'm going to jail i love you
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I can't turn off my feet"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
