I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
