i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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