When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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