I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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