Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
