So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize