Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
