i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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