I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
