I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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