The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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