I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
