I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
