i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize