I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
