i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
