At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
