Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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