ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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