Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
