I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
