I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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