they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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