I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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