they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
