so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
