Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
