Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Randomize
