Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
