Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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