he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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