shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
