just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I stole a fireplace last night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize