I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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