Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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