Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
tell me about the eggs
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
