i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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