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Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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