I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
