I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
