I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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