question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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