I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
