I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize