Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
