Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
