his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
