I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
