Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
