It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize
