He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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