is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We need to get me chipped asap
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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