I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
