So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize