I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
