a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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