I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
