the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
